Hello! Welcome to Wednesday. We’re halfway through a week of wondering, where you have a fantastically happy chance to explore extracts from an eleven-plus exam-winning model of a persuasive letter, taken from my sensational book of non-fiction creative writing models.

On Monday, we looked at the opening of the letter and the question prompt. On Tuesday, we continued with the first three paragraphs of the letter. Today, we continue reading the letter and deep-diving into the lesson that accompanies the model in the book. The post is laid out in the following way:

• The next 2 paragraphs of the letter.
• Extracts from the What, How, Why lesson that will guide you and your child through the writing features used in the model. You’ll be able to SHOW your child or student what successful writing looks like. (Each model in the book is always partnered with pages and pages of this in-deep learning, so you can squeeze maximum learning value from each model.)
• To help with the lesson, I split up the original letter into pieces. These sentences from the original letter are in bold to help you see what writing the lesson is referring to.
• VVV: Each essay showcases Very Varied Vocabulary that your child can use in their own work. In the book, each word also comes with a definition to help your child understand and use the word swiftly in their own work. You’ll see VVV that relates to the extract we’re zooming in on.

HAPPY TIP! I want you to focus on the fact today’s paragraphs are more-of-less paragraphs. Larger paragraphs approximately 5-7 sentences long, which explore one main theme each, and which we build with adding more and more related information on this theme. More-of-less paragraphs help your child build their word count, add vocabulary and punctuation, and create a piece of writing that really sticks together. If you take one message from today, it’s to guide and encourage and celebrate your child to write these more-of-less paragraphs.

Okay, let’s go…

Extract continued

Not only does this go against your own advertised commitment to children’s health (I quote the leaflet given out in all schools: ‘Fighting for Fitness, Fighting for Families – Welcome to the 6Fs’), but it also stores up massive health problems for these children as they transition into unhealthy adults. Walking in fresh air for 40 minutes daily is the bare minimum needed to maintain health. Your proposal takes away both the fresh air and the place to walk. Did you know that over 200 years ago, a government minister (someone like you) recognised that parks were the ‘lungs of London’? Lungs are vital to life, yet you plan to remove those lungs. You have no right to perform such a drastic operation.

Leading on from this, the third reason for you to ‘refuse’ the refuse is financial. This, perhaps, is the most important to you. Please be assured I’m not against the council. I love this area and am grateful for the work you do. Yes, I understand you need to create £2,000,000 of savings over the next few years. Unfortunately, you are not seeing the wood for the (soon to be cut down) trees. The unhealthy adults we mentioned above are going to bring a huge burden on another important council service, the NHS. You may save a million only to spend a billion. What kind of planning is this?

WHAT, HOW AND WHY

Not only

• A paired conjunction shows sentence variation (see below for the other half).

does this go against your own advertised commitment to children’s health, (I quote, ‘Fighting for Families, Fighting for Fitness – Welcome to the 6Fs’)

• I invent a slogan (a catchy, memorable phrase for a product or service) combining alliteration and capital letters. This shows I know what a slogan is (they are often taught in KS2 English). If you can invent a quick creative idea like this, it gives you another point to argue against or for, which will help you write more words!

but it also (the other half of the paired conjunction) stores up massive health problems for these children as they transition into unhealthy adults.

• A paired conjunction – Not only…but also – will stand out, as these are rarely used by KS2 writers. (See Chapter 13 in Book 1, Teach Your Little Genius to Pass 11plus Creative Writing Exams, to learn about paired conjunctions.)
• VVV: transition.

Walking in fresh air for 40 minutes daily is the bare minimum needed to maintain health. Your proposal takes away both the fresh air and the place to walk. Did you know that over 200 years ago, a government minister (someone like you) pointed out that parks were the ‘lungs of London’? Lungs are vital to life, yet you plan to remove those lungs. You have no right to perform such a drastic operation.

• Lungs of London: This is a true historical quote, so please use it in your own writing.
• Facts and figures support your argument, as they feel like evidence, not opinion.
• I use facts and figures to prove parks have always been an important part of London life.
• Brackets help my punctuation sprinkle. The information inside connects today’s council  responsibilities to old decisions, to persuade the council to behave as responsibly as the historical council. I pretend my argument is not mine, but history’s. It’s another form of social proof.
• Blender: Alliteration combines with metaphor in ‘lungs of London’. A metaphor helps the reader understand the argument in a different way by giving them an image they can easily imagine. I want to wake up the empathy of the council by reminding them their decision should be about people, not money.
• VVV: proposal, drastic.

Leading on from this,

• A sentence starter that does two clever jobs. ‘This’ points back to the last point and paragraph, while ‘Leading on’ moves the argument forward to the next point. 

 the third reason to ‘refuse’ the refuse is financial.

• A pun on ‘refuse’ as a verb – meaning to reject, as well as a noun – the actual rubbish itself. I show the marker I understand and can use homographs – words written the same, but often pronounced differently:

In ‘refuse’ as a noun, I stress the first syllable: refuse.

The verb (I refuse to do that) stresses the second syllable: refuse.

This, perhaps,

• ‘Perhaps’ is conditional language, which makes this point a polite suggestion, rather than a forceful opinion. It also makes me appear as if I’m thinking about the issue as much as I want the reader to. Try using perhaps, possibly, could or might in part of your persuasive argument.

is the most beneficial to you.

• Explaining why your argument helps the reader can be very persuasive.

Please be assured, I’m not against the council – I love this area and am grateful for the work you do.

• Let the other person know you are on the same side, not attacking them. It can work wonders!
• A single dash sentence makes the second point very clear. 
• VVV: assured.

 Yes, I understand you need to create £2,000,000 of savings.

• Again, I agree with the other person’s position. Do this and you take some of your opponent’s need to disagree with you away. The person may think, Oh, they agree with me, they must be reasonable and intelligent, so maybe I should try and agree with them too.
• Another statistic makes my essay sound believable.

Unfortunately, you are not seeing the wood for the (soon to be cut down) trees.

• Negative connective: ‘Unfortunately’ highlights they are, in fact, wrong.
• Immediately after agreeing with their position, I suggest it’s wrong. I’ve caught them off guard!
• I use the idiom ‘wood for the trees’ to show the examiner I know and understand idioms. It means not being able to see the big picture because you are focusing on a small detail. It helps that my idiom is about trees, as the whole argument is about saving nature.
• I squeeze in a pun by adding to the idiom with a punctuation-powered extra phrase that relates to my letter: (soon to be cut down). I would hope my marker finds this playful, advanced, writing. I’m a writer enjoying myself writing!

The unhealthy adults we mentioned above are going to bring a huge burden on the NHS – you may save a million only to spend a billion.

• Contrast: Using similar-sounding phrases (save a million…spend a billion.) with very different numbers and verbs exaggerates the silliness of closing the park because of the very large financial consequence.
• Single dash: This acts like a spotlight focusing on the contrasting phrases that follow, giving them extra persuasive power. Single dashes add to your advanced punctuation sprinkle and allow you to vary your sentences.

• Different sentences are more interesting to read and help the whole passage flow. How many different sentence types or sentence lengths can you find in my letter? How many different types of sentence will you use in your next persuasive letter?
• VVV: burden.

What kind of planning is this?

• A rhetorical question involves the reader directly again. I don’t blame, I focus carefully on the planning itself, not the planner. Obviously, I am secretly blaming the planner. I’m definitely threatening that if they carry on, they will be to blame for choosing to be part of a ridiculous plan.

The end of Day 3 is the start of your Happy! How did this extract help you make a breakthrough in helping your child’s writing to grow and improve with a spirit of play and investigation? Does it show you the blisteringly unbelievable power of more-of less paragraphs? How can you add a part of this learning to the next session with your child? Encourage your child to try on sentences and techniques the way they would try on dressing-up clothes or try new skills at a sport. (Psst…Choose a metaphor that matches your child’s interests to help it stick!)

A reminder, here’s the gloriously helpful book this extract comes from. Please do dive in here

or click on the happy pic!

You can also visit the books and downloads page at www.11plushappy.com to see this and other good stuff to help your child pass with a smile.

Please do join me tomorrow (Thursday) for Day 4 of Sneak Peak Week. Thank you for reading, I truly hope it helps ignite your child’s writing in a very practical, happy way.

Please let me know any thoughts, or if something has helped you at leemottram@11plushappy.com.

Have a beautiful day of learning.

Lee, London

Hello! All this week, Monday-Friday, there’s a fantastically happy chance to see extracts of an eleven-plus exam-winning model of a persuasive letter, taken from my sensational book of non-fiction creative writing models.

Yesterday, we looked at the opening of the letter and the question prompt.

Today, we’ll explore in fully majestic learning depth the next two paragraphs. We’ll follow a similar path to yesterday:

• The next 2 paragraphs of the letter.
• Extracts from the What, How, Why lesson that will guide you and your child through the writing features used in the model. You’ll be able to SHOW your child or student what successful writing looks like. (Each model in the book is always partnered with pages and pages of this in-deep learning, so you can squeeze maximum learning value from each model.)
• The sentences from the original letter are in bold to help you see what writing the lesson is referring to.
• VVV: Each essay showcases Very Varied Vocabulary that your child can use in their own work. In the book, each word also comes with a definition to help your child understand and use the word swiftly in their own work.

Time to learn!

Extract continued

How many of these children do you think use the park at some point in their week?

Even the most conservative estimate must be over half. Indeed, 23 sports clubs currently use the fields (statistics again taken from your website, Sports Provision page), along with hundreds of mums, dads and grandparents, all keeping themselves and these thousands of children happy and healthy. Imagine these clubs, these family exercise sessions, wiped out overnight.

This brings me to reason No.2: what comes in place of our healthy, connected community? The disease-bringing stench of burning fumes; the rotting of rubbish and badly-designed, unrecyclable materials that children like me had no say in making. The centre will be a monster unleashed by one generation on another – a clumsy, grown-up footprint stamping on the future of youth. To be clear, a devastating, direct consequence of the refuse centre will be that you send 4000 children indoors to be addicts of T.V. screens, addicts of computer screens, addicts of smartphone screens; you will be creating a community of tablet junkies.

WHAT, HOW AND WHY

How many of these children do you think use the park at some point in their week?

• A one-sentence paragraph and a question combined. I give the question space so that the reader can pause and think about it. Add a couple of one-sentence paragraphs to your writing to highlight important information – it will impress. It shows you can control the structure of your writing.
• I pivot the argument away from the playing fields to the more emotional subject of children, to make the reader feel my argument. This is not about the park, it’s really about children.

Even the most conservative estimate must be over half this number. Indeed, twenty-three sports clubs currently use the fields (statistics again taken from your website, on the Sports Provision page), along with hundreds of mums, dads and grandparents,

• Indeed: An emphasising connective for variety and persuasion.
• Brackets for my punctuation sprinkle. I can tuck this info in brackets since in the opening of the letter, I had already mentioned the council’s website.
• Power of 3: ‘Mums, dads and grandparents’ feels larger and more personal than ‘people’.
• VVV: conservative, currently.

all keeping themselves and these thousands of children happy and healthy. Imagine these clubs, these family exercise sessions, wiped out overnight.

• Contrast: A short sentence with a bossy verb (imagine) after the long previous sentence focuses on the sudden end to the activity of the clubs and families. Contrast is placing two different qualities or images next to each other. Each makes the other stand out.

This brings me to reason number two: what comes in place of our healthy, connected community?

• A formal linking sentence moves the argument to a new focus.
• Alliteration emphasises how the park keeps the community together.
• A direct question to the reader to involve them and hold their attention.

The disease-bringing

• A compound adjective made from joining a noun to the front of an adjective with a hyphen. Designing your own compound adjectives shows a great control of language and gives you a chance to come up with something original.
• The hyphen helps my punctuation sprinkle.

stench of burning fumes; the rotting of rubbish and badly-designed unrecyclable materials that we children had no say in making.

• Emotional imagery: Children are suffering because of adults. I hint that the planner I am writing to is one of these harming adults if they close the park.
• Alliteration: ‘Rotting of rubbish’ accentuates the unhealthiness.
• A semicolon shows the reader the two sentences either side have a strong relationship. Here, I use it to replace the conjunction ‘and’. The information on each side teams up with the other and increases the overall power of the sentence.
• VVV: stench, fumes.

The centre will be a monster unleashed by one generation on another –

• Metaphor, exaggeration and a dash before a conclusion – blending writing features in a sentence is such a lovely way to treat your reader and dazzle your marker.

a clumsy, grown-up footprint stamping on the future of youth.

• Extended metaphor: The monster is now clumsy and stamping on things.

To be clear, (a link connective to keep the argument flowing and connected) a devastating, direct (exaggeration and alliteration) consequence of the refuse centre will be that you send four thousand children indoors to be addicts of T.V. screens, addicts of computer screens, addicts of smartphone screens – you will be creating a community of tablet junkies.

• More exaggeration to emphasise the negative impact of the decision.
• Repetition of the same “addicts…” as a sentence starter is memorably persuasive and powerful. The repetition makes it seem really serious and really true.
• Pun: We know a ‘tablet’ is an electronic device, but it is also another name for a pill, so I add to the sad, emotional idea of an addict.
• A single dash creates a dramatic pause and introduces an equally dramatic conclusion. It helps your punctuation sprinkle – you want a sprinkle of all punctuation.
• VVV: devastating, unleashed.

Day 2 is done…Now, go and have some writing fun! What did you learn from today’s extract and lesson? What will you show your child in your next session? Encourage your young writer to play with these features in their next practice-write. A spirit of fun and adventure. Investigate like a scientist. Please bear in mind that you don’t have to include everything at once. You might focus on the punctuation, or perhaps the extended metaphor, then fold the next feature into the next essay, while keeping the feature/s that your child learned previously. Slowly, you can fold in all the features into a delicious cake mix…and then bake that writing!

A reminder, here’s the gloriously helpful book this extract comes from. Please do dive in here

or click on the happy pic!

You can also visit the books and downloads page at www.11plushappy.com to see this and other good stuff to help your child pass with a smile.

Please do join me tomorrow (Wednesday) for Day 3 of Sneak Peak Week. Thank you for reading, I truly hope it helps ignite your child’s writing in a very practical way.

Please let me know any thoughts, or if something has helped you at leemottram@11plushappy.com.

Have a beautiful day of learning.

Lee, London

Hello! All this week, Monday-Friday, there’s a fantastically happy chance to see extracts of an eleven-plus exam-winning model of a persuasive letter, taken from my sensational book of non-fiction creative writing models.

Today, we’re going to look at:

• The question prompt
• The first 3 paragraphs of the letter.
• Extracts from the What, How, Why lesson that comes with each essay. This guides you and your child through the writing features used in the model. Showing your child or student what successful writing looks like has never been easier! The sentences from the letter are in bold to help you see what writing the lesson is referring to.
• VVV: Each essay showcases Very Varied Vocabulary that your child can use in their own work. In the book, each word comes with a definition to help your child understand and use the word swiftly in their own work.

Let’s start learning, let’s stay learning!

Extract

Question: Your favourite playing fields are to be closed and replaced by a refuse (rubbish) and recycling centre to handle the town’s waste. Please write a letter to your local council to persuade them NOT to go ahead with this plan. You must give reasons for your viewpoint. What will you lose? You will be given marks for interesting vocabulary, persuasive writing techniques, punctuation and following the structure of a letter.

Time: 45 mins

(HAPPY TIP: Don’t be tricked into thinking you can write any letter you want. Although a question might not ask you to write a formal letter, persuasive letters should mostly use formal language.)

Freshly Cottage Flats

17 Goodview Court

Sutton

SM6 3PP

Dept of Planning

London Borough of Sutton                      20^th September, 2026

Dear Sir/Madam

From the address above, you may be alerted to the fact I’m one of the many concerned, frightened and – to be frank – livid residents whose lives will be ruined by the proposed building of the Refuse and Recycling centre on the site of Goodview Playing Fields.

My name is Laney, and as an 11-year-old beginning her life in the area, I stand to be affected more adversely and for far longer than the misguided grown-ups who came up with this nightmarish idea. A refuse centre instead of a park? Thus, I write for an immediate end to this ‘rubbish’ idea. There are three clear reasons to maintain the fields, with both urgent and long-term implications: the high levels of use the park has; the serious harm to children’s health; and a shock reduction in your council’s finances.

First, grasp Goodview as it is. You will know, as the local planning team, that there are 15 – yes, 15 – primary schools in the area, along with 2 secondary schools. Statistics on your own website (truthful facts, we presume) confirm approximately 8000 children study at these schools (7,873 to be exact).

WHAT, HOW AND WHY

Freshly Cottage Flats

17 Goodview Court

Sutton

SM63PP

Dept of Planning

London Borough of Sutton                                   20^th September, 2040

Dear Sir/Madam

• For fun and pun, I make up an address linked to nature to hint at which side I’m on. YOU DON’T NEED THIS, but it does show confidence and may help the work stand out.
• I show the marker I understand the letter genre by putting the address at the top right of the page.
• Alliteration in the address is an early sign I want to play with words.              
• In formal letters, you could put the address of the person you are writing to on the left of the page, above the letter, but starting a line or two beneath your address. Again, it suggests confidence with the structure of a letter.
• I write the month in words to show I can spell months. Take opportunities to showcase your learning.
• Put the date of the test in your letter.

Dear Sir/Madam

• The formal way to start when you don’t know the name of the person to write to. You could also use ‘To whom it may concern’. If you’re given a real name in the test, then use this. The greeting at the start changes the goodbyes at the end, as you’ll see later.

From the address above, you may be alerted to the fact I’m one of the many concerned, frightened and – to be frank – livid

• Power of 3 and emotional language: three linked adjectives make a strong, emotionally persuasive opening. A list is a great place to show off your synonyms.
• A double dash around my last adjective stresses that being livid (very angry) is how I really feel about closing the park. It’s a strong emotion reflecting the seriousness of the issue. Exaggeration can be persuasive.
• Double dashes in paragraph 1 quickly let the marker see advanced punctuation.
• Overall, I front-load my first paragraph (which is the first time my marker sees my writing) with a range of writing techniques to make a good first impression. I’m hoping that my marker may already be making their mind up that I’m a serious contender for a high mark. Obviously, don’t just throw anything in – it has to work properly to help your argument.
• VVV: concerned, frank, livid.

residents whose lives will be ruined by the proposed building of the Refuse and Recycling centre on the site of Goodview Playing Fields.

• The plural ‘residents’ makes me part of a group, lending social proof to my letter. It’s not just me making it up – there are lots of us who feel the same, so my letter must be taken seriously.
• I remember capital letters for the proper noun name of the playing fields and the centre.
• VVV: residents, proposed.

My name is Laney, and as an eleven-year-old beginning her life in the area, I stand to be affected more adversely and for far longer

• In the first paragraph, explain who you are, why you’re writing and why the reader should listen to you. It shows the marker you’ve understood the question and purpose of writing. It also helps you stay focused on the topic.
• An embedded clause with commas helps my punctuation sprinkle and lets me vary my sentences.
• Hyphens help clarify ages written in words and add to my punctuation sprinkle.
• VVV: affected, adversely.

than the misguided grown-ups

• Repetition of hard ‘g’ sound. (This is called consonance. It sounds angry, like a growl.)
• Re-naming grown-ups with an adjective that is negative, but not rude – ‘misguided’ – suggests they have simply been guided away from the truth, rather than deliberately avoiding it. I’m being nice and giving them a chance to change. Being kind can be persuasive, as it suggests you are not personally attacking the reader, you just want the solution.
• I show I can use the prefix ‘mis-’

who came up with this nightmarish idea.

• My emotional adjective re-labels something neutral – an idea – as something negative (nightmarish).

A refuse centre instead of a park?

• A first rhetorical question to address my audience. Note that I don’t accuse the council of having this idea, I just present it in a short sentence as a simple choice between two ideas. I do this so whoever is reading the letter doesn’t get defensive and stop listening. The contrast hints at which one is the right idea.

Thus, I write to ask for an immediate end to this ‘rubbish’ idea.

• A lovely link connective – Thus. It’s a quick way to say – “This means we can say that…”. ‘Thus’ is short enough to remember, but eloquent and effective. Thus, use it!
• A pun on the double meaning of rubbish as a noun and an adjective. I use inverted commas to point out the pun.

There are three clear reasons to maintain the fields, with both urgent and long-term implications:

• Power of 3: I tell the reader clearly to expect three ideas. A part of their mind now waits for these ideas, encouraging them to keep reading.
• Colon: A colon introduces the list and helps me build my punctuation sprinkle early in the first couple of paragraphs.
• Pretend your opinion is fact: I didn’t write ‘I think that’, I wrote ‘There are’. In truth, there may be more or less than three reasons, but I choose to claim that there ‘are’ three important reasons, suggesting my three are true facts, not opinions. This is sneaky persuasion, as it’s easier to argue with opinions, but harder to argue against facts.
• VVV: maintain, implications.

the high levels of use the park has; the serious harm to children’s health; and a shock reduction in your council’s finances.

• Power of 3: I present 3 reasons, which do two jobs. 1.) My reader anticipate all three reasons, so a part of their brain will not be satisfied until they hear the third reason. This will encourage them to keep reading. 2.) It helps you structure your letter, since you lay out at the start what you are going to write about. This will help you write faster, and write more, as you know in advance what you want to say.
• Semicolon list: Separating the list items with semicolons is a fantastic way to split up longer phrases and sentences (e.g. the serious harm to children’s health). It helps your reader know which information belongs to which reason.
• Punctuation sprinkle: Adding semicolons to your list of reasons in the first couple of paragraphs lets you show off advanced punctuation and make a strong first impression. Your marker will be impressed. It also means that if you forget to use a semicolon again, it doesn’t matter, since you have already done it!

First, grasp Goodview as it is.

• Blender: A link connective combined with alliteration.

You will know,

• Direct Address: The second person ‘you’ suggests a fact in my argument is a truth the planner may already know about. Speaking directly to your reader is an important feature in persuasive writing. The pronouns ‘you’ and ‘your’ will help.

as the local planning team,

• An embedded clause for sentence variation.

that there are fifteen – yes, fifteen –

• Repetition for emphasis.
• Dashes work like spotlights, highlighting the large number.
• Punctuation sprinkle.

primary schools in the area, along with two secondary schools. Statistics on your own website (truthful facts, we presume)

• I use the planners’ own facts against them! They can’t deny their own words.
• Brackets help my punctuation sprinkle.
• The pronoun ‘we’ unites reader and writer, as well as reminding the reader I am one of many who feel upset about the decision. I’m suggesting we all know the truth about the high number of children using the park.
• VVV: presume.

confirm approximately eight thousand children study at these schools (7,873 pupils to be exact).

• Brackets let me include an exact figure without interrupting my argument. Precision makes them appear believable.

Boom! That’s it for today. How was that? I hope iso much that it’s helpful in getting you started. The semicolon list of reasons at the start of a persuasive letter is an absolute winner that your child can rely on to start with dazzle! Why not go and teach them this is they are not doing so already. We’ll continue the letter and lesson tomorrow (Tuesday).

If you’re ready for your full copy, then please do dive in here:

or click on the happy pic!

You can also visit the books and downloads page at www.11plushappy.com to see this and other good stuff to help your child pass with a smile.

Please let me know any thoughts, or if something has helped you at leemottram@11plushappy.com.

Have a beautiful day of learning. See you tomorrow, and please do share this with a parent or tutor if you think it may be of help.

Lee, London